Questioning

There are times when I wonder who I really am or if I really am living. I feel like I’m floating in space, and everything seems to freeze in place. I feel insignificant in the world, and nothing seems important anymore. Even though I know that I am sitting down in a black chair, I’m not so sure if that’s really where I am. I know that I am breathing, but does that prove that I’m alive? “Cogito ergo sum” is a famous Latin statement that was used by René Descartes, a French philosopher, meaning “I think, therefore I am.” However, how can I know for certain that I think only when I am alive?

As I start to question more, I can’t say that I’m certain about anything. How do I know if I’m not dreaming? What if dreaming is living, and living is dreaming?  

I wonder if anything really matters. The little things that I spend hours trying to decide over seem unimportant. Would it have made a difference if I chose to wear a blue shirt today instead of a pink one? Does it matter that I had pancakes for breakfast today?

Then, someone or something will interrupt my thoughts, and I’ll put myself back into reality. I remember the pile of homework that is waiting for me, and decide that I am wasting my time with questions that won’t help me with my upcoming tests next week. Whether any of it matters or not, I still have to carry on the daily routine of life. 

This is a little poem I wrote after driving for the first time this weekend.

First Time Behind the Wheel

I get into the car and 

Make sure I brought my permit.

Raise my seat closer to the wheel,

Adjust the mirrors so I can see behind,

Remember to fasten my seat belt.

I follow my dad’s instructions as

I put the car on drive

And release the brake,

Slowly pushing my foot on the accelerator.

The car inches forward,

And makes a big circle

around the parking lot.

I put the car on park.

That’s enough for today.

As summer is now over and autumn is here, this is what I see around me.

Autumn
It seems to me that

Autumn is the saddest season.

The sun hides behind the clouds

And the weather gets cooler.

Days are shorter and before I know it,

The sun had set and it is dark outside.

Leaves change color and fall off,

Leaving trees bare for the upcoming winter.

The wind howls

The moon weeps

I am surrounded by loneliness.